Quote from BabyShark on May 29, 2019, 8:19 pm

Humans have a fascination with and worship for what we call "love". Most songs ever written revolve around love found and love lost.

Putting a definition on love eludes most, though.

"I love hot dogs". "I love ______ (hot celebrity)." "I love my family."

We use the same word for many things.

The ancient Greeks had at least 8 different words for what we simply call "love."

Eros - romantic, desiring, sexual love

Philia - affection, friendship love

Storge - love of family

Ludus - playful love, flirting, euphoria

Mania - obsessive love

Pragma - enduring love, the love you will find in long term relationships where each partner has shown kindness, respect, compromise, and effort to show care for the other person

Philautia - self-love and acceptance

Agape - selfless love, unconditional love, love that sacrifices self for others, love that does not depend on the actions of the loved one

Everyone knows that North America has a high rate of divorce and couples have a high rate of break up. It's commonplace nowadays.

Nearly every single one of these were "in love" at some point. Real life set in. Dirty dishes, laundry, the daily routine, dirty socks, fighting about money, and all that fun stuff takes a toll on that dazzling person you see through rose-colored glasses in the beginning who can do no wrong.

I think a big part of the problem is that people fail to differentiate the different loves and have unrealistic expectations of life and their partner.

The "in love" experience, as emotionally tumultuous of a roller coaster ride it is, is either eros or ludus or a mixture of both. It's based on the pleasure you receive from interacting with the other person.

Once that other person is not as pleasurable and the emotional or physical high fades, which is inevitable over time once the couple is living in the same house, interest fades and ditching the person to find a new thrill seems reasonable to those who are only interested in instantly fulfilling self.

Every human is flawed, imperfect, and has shortcomings. Learning to live with those of one's spouse is part of a rich process of maturation and growth. Making relationships disposable allows one to remain selfish and immature because committed long term relationships require work and effort and sacrifice and compromise and concern for another person rather than only perpetual self-interest.

The fixation on finding a "perfect" partner who will "make us happy" is a fool's mission. No one else is going to make you happy. If you're miserable now, you'll be miserable with whoever it is once the chemical high wears off. The happiness has to come from yourself. You have to be the architect of your own happiness and mental state. Expecting someone else to fix you is setting yourself up for failure with unrealistic expectations of your partner.

Eros and Ludus are beautiful things to experience, and surely among life's greatest pleasures. But they are deceptive. They paint a false picture. The person you feel infatuated with is not the glorious creature you imagine, no matter how fast your heart beats when you see them. They, too, like you yourself, are a flawed, and fallen creature who curses, farts, treats people like garbage at times, and is afflicted with the universal human selfishness we all suffer from.

Brokenness is what we humans produce. We hurt others. We hurt ourselves. We can be careless, selfish, heartless, foolish. We act in anger. We say words that later need recalling.

None of us are capable of Agape love on our own.

Agape love is describe in the Bible, in 1 Corinthians 13:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

God's love for us is like that. We don't deserve God's love. We've disobeyed Him continually. Lying, cheating, selfishness, dishonoring God's name, cursing, adultery, lust, maliciousness, hatred, envy, bitterness, malice...we are all guilty.

God see and knows every awful thing I've done, and loves me still. The creator of the universe with infinite power, He came here to suffer and die, to be nailed to a wooden cross and be whipped and spit on by evil people and for evil people, to save me from my sins by taking my punishment for me. He offers full and free forgiveness to all people who trust in the name of Jesus to cover our sins. God's grace is bigger than I can even fathom.

Having been loved by God like this, I want to love others. I fail at this daily. It's a struggle to be the person I should be, loving, kind, and good. Evil is always so close. Selfishness and lust are familiar friends.

God wants me to love people who hate me, who hurt me, and who are evil. This is an impossible task without God's help.

Life breaks me. People can be cruel. I've been brought to my knees in tears, begging God for things I shouldn't have and shouldn't want, asking for pain to stop. We don't always get what we want. But in my brokenness and failure and sin, God continually picks me up off the ground and puts me back together again. He fills me with joy in the middle of heartache. He gives me peace in the middle of struggle. He gives me hope in the middle of despair. God's real love, Agape, bandages the pain from broken human love, including mine, and gives me the strength to go on into tomorrow.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.